One day, a woman noticed a cocoon hanging from a branch. As she watched, a small opening appeared, and she saw the butterfly struggling to emerge. It pushed and twisted but seemed stuck. Moved by compassion, the woman decided to help. She gently snipped the cocoon open, allowing the butterfly to escape easily. But something was wrong.
The butterfly’s body was swollen, and its wings were shriveled. It never flew. Instead, it crawled around, unable to take flight. What the woman didn’t realize was that the struggle to emerge from the cocoon was nature’s way of forcing fluid from the butterfly’s body into its wings. Without that struggle, the butterfly couldn’t develop the strength it needed to fly. It lived, but it never soared!
This story comes to life every day, often in the well-meaning actions of adults—parents, teachers, and coaches—who, out of love, try to shield children from pain, failure, and discomfort. We hover, cushion, and protect, hoping to spare our children the harsh edges of life. But in doing so, we may unintentionally rob them of the very experiences that build strength, resilience, and independence.
Struggle is not the enemy—it’s the teacher!
If we only remember the wins, we miss the lesson of true greatness. The Hall of Fame is littered with people who, frankly, stunk at the beginning. Consider these examples of repeated failure leading to monumental success:
Abraham Lincoln, for instance, lost eight different elections—county, state, and congressional seats—before becoming one of America’s most revered presidents; he truly mastered the art of failing forward.
In the world of invention, Thomas Edison famously quipped, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work" before inventing the lightbulb—now that's what you call a truly optimistic scientist (and a very persistent customer of copper wiring).
Meanwhile, literary giants like Stephen King were so demoralized by rejection slips that he threw the manuscript for his first novel in the trash—until his wife rescued it, launching the legendary career of Carrie.
Even in sports, the greatest of all time started with failure: Michael Jordan was cut from his high school varsity team, starting his career being told, "Nope, not good enough."
Finally, J.K. Rowling was a struggling single mother living on state benefits and was rejected by 12 different publishers before one finally said yes to Harry Potter—it turns out the magic was in the persistence, not just the wand.
These are not just stories of genius or luck. They are vivid chronicles of grit—the courage to keep going when everything, including your own trash can, says stop.
What Schools Can Do
To support this kind of growth, schools must create environments that balance support with challenge. This involves fostering a growth mindset by celebrating effort and persistence, not just success. Schools should design curricula that promote productive struggle, meaning students are allowed to wrestle with problems before immediate help is offered. Furthermore, we must train teachers to guide, not rescue, and to encourage students' independence and reflection. Creating safe spaces for risk-taking and normalizing mistakes is crucial. Finally, schools should engage parents to help them understand that struggle is an essential part of the learning process, while simultaneously supporting social-emotional learning to teach explicit coping skills and emotional regulation, and celebrating grit by recognizing students who persevere through difficulty.
What Teachers Can Do Daily
Teachers can implement this philosophy in everyday practice by first normalizing mistakes as part of the learning process. This involves strategic teaching moves, such as asking open-ended questions that require deeper thinking and consistently using wait time to resist the urge to immediately help or "fix." Teachers should also encourage peer collaboration and problem-solving, and provide feedback that focuses on growth and process rather than final outcomes. They can model resilience by sharing personal, age-appropriate challenges and always setting high expectations, but with appropriate scaffolding. Ultimately, the goal is to reflect with students on their challenges and growth to build metacognition.
A Partnership for Resilience
Parents and educators must work together to raise children who are not afraid to fall—and who know how to get back up. By offering firm but gentle prompting, we can help students develop the grit, independence, and emotional strength they need to thrive in their future vocations and lives.
Let’s be the kind of adults who walk beside them—not to shield them from every hardship, but to provide the space and support they need to discover their own wings.
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